Just my thoughts

I'm upset because I can't talk about my childhood. I was sexually abused by my Father and my Mother was a nut case. I never realised until now really how badly this affected my brother um I started seeing a psychologist in Sept 2020 and I'm having trauma specific (sexual abuse) counselling and well I've remembered a lot of stuff from my childhood now and I think my bro may have also been affected by our child hood as well, possibly why he became an alcoholic. The thing that really pisses me off is the fact that we can't talk about it. I think that if we were able to talk about it, it might fucking help someone. We don't need to be made to feel like fucking failures, nut cases, fucking idiots...whatever, we don't. We should be able to talk about it and I'm fucking over it. Why can't we start a conversation about childhood abuse?

It would just make it so much easier for us if we could just be fucking acknowledged. With regard to my brother, I think I knew quite early on that he had a drinking problem, he was an awesome person... He was very handsome and very intelligent, witty and funny AF. He had the potential to be very successful in life but because of his alcoholism well it held him back and ultimately killed him. I just wonder that maybe he wasn't really an alcoholic but just a very confused and tormented man. I think he was self medicating because he was haunted by what happened when we were kids. I think perhaps he felt guilty because he couldn't protect me from my Father but of course he couldn't because he was a kid. I also remember other stuff that happened when we were kids like Roger was actually in the room the first time my Dad abused me and he would of been 8 years old so he wouldn't of been able to do anything because he was just a kid. I guess it just makes me sad that this happened to him if he had of only gotten counselling or even reached out to someone he might not have died. When he died I comforted myself in the belief that he was no longer in pain, I felt that he was a tortured soul and at least he was now at peace.